


Safe and Sound

by feversan



Category: ATEEZ (Band)
Genre: As well as asexuality but not being entirely sex averse, Asexuality, Asexuality Spectrum, Boys in Skirts, Comfort, Established Relationship, Fluff, It gets a little steamy but no smut, Jongho learns to experience emotions, Kissing, M/M, Oneshot, Vulnerability, Woosan are only mentioned, Yeosang is a disaster but so nice
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-15
Updated: 2020-10-15
Packaged: 2021-03-09 03:48:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,303
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27018340
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/feversan/pseuds/feversan
Summary: For Jongho's twentieth birthday, he learns to be vulnerable. Self acceptance and exploration of his sexuality wasn't what he expected today's outcome to be, but his disaster of a boyfriend would always be patient while he figured himself out.
Relationships: Choi Jongho/Kang Yeosang
Kudos: 55





	Safe and Sound

**Author's Note:**

> It's late but happy bday jongho you meaty meaty man  
> I meant to finish this on his actual birthday but alas, I DIDNT

Monday. His birthday landed on a Monday this year- not that he ever placed much importance on this particular day, but Jongho feels that starting his week at all is always a nuisance, birthday or not. He supposed he should consider himself lucky being freshly twenty and sharing a decent apartment with his boyfriend. Most kids he knows that are sophomores still live in the small campus dorms, never getting a true sense of peace and quiet. Jongho should also be thankful that his parents are well-off and had no problem paying for whatever expenses Jongho needed. He was honestly set for the next ten years of his life.

But as always, his despicably long classroom hours landed on Mondays, and while he got a fair amount of birthday wishes from his peers and professors, he really just wanted to get back home. After all, he had someone waiting for him, probably planning something for Jongho despite his wishes against it. Today had at least been decent despite having a mini crisis over no longer being a teenager anymore (a quarter-life crisis if you will) as he'd finished most of his work during lectures. 

The high collar of his black sweater started irritating his neck about an hour ago, and he really just wanted to take everything off and sleep for the next two eons. Choosing to walk to classes today proved to be a mistake as well, his sweater sticking his body and his face slick with perspiration. He wasn't too keen on the feeling of dried sweat in his hair either, so now his plans were to shower and then commence his long hibernation. 

After trudging through the emptier backroads of Seoul, he made it to his complex, heaving his spent body up three flights of stairs. Sufficiently gross and sweaty, Jongho fumbled with his keys for a good two minutes despite knowing he could just knock and Yeosang would let him in, and opened the door.

Unsurprisingly, he was met with "HAPPY BDAY DISASTER BF <3" handwritten in about three different dying sharpies on a posterboard Jongho was pretty sure belonged to him for his next big project. Jongho? Being the disaster boyfriend? Has Yeosang met himself? 

Balloons of various sizes scattered the floor, and Jongho had to tiptoe around them so that he didn't pop one of them and give himself a heart attack. Clothes were thrown hastily over every surface Jongho could see, from his own hoodies and blazers to Yeosang's skirts and beanies. Jongho suppressed a headache at the scene, knowing he'd have to aid in cleanup although he usually didn't freak out at Yeosang's unorganized messes. Usually. 

Yeosang is a travesty of a man, yes, but Jongho would feel bad if he passed out now for the rest of the day, especially since his boyfriend went through all this trouble. He didn't even register the gift bag on their unused coffee table (well, it had a use now), stuffed with various colors of tissue paper that resembled the rainbow. It was a gigantic bag, too, and Jongho really hoped Yeosang didn't spend his meager wages on something expensive just for him. 

Speak- or _think_ of the devil and he shall appear, Jongho supposes. Yeosang appeared from around the corner, clad in a soft white sweater and a pleated pink skirt. His hair was in a low ponytail, blonde bangs framing his delicate face and accentuating his high cheekbones. On normal days like these, Yeosang either dressed in low-rise sweatpants or a cozy skirt. Jongho thought he looked great in anything he wore, be it leather studded jackets and jet black jeans or pastel sweaters and short skirts. 

"Oh, Jjong! You're finally back!" Yeosang barreled down the hallway, scattering balloons around even more and nearly tripping on at least three articles of clothing. Before Jongho could react to the chaotic mess, he felt two strong arms wrap around his waist in a snake-like vice grip, squeezing the oxygen from Jongho's lungs like he was a yogurt tube. 

Practically shoving his face in Jongho's chest like a deranged cat, Yeosang inhaled the lingering scent of bergamot and (probably) his sweat. 

"I have so much planned for you, Jjongie, it's going to be so great!" Despite the crippling exhaustion, Jongho laughed at his boyfriend's excitement. He was practically bubbling with love and joy, and his bleached hair made him seem like the literal reincarnation of the sun. Yeosang's stardusted doe eyes peered into his own, and the sheer radiant energy the other gave off convinced Jongho to put off his nap. For now, anyway.

"I didn't finish tying balloons, so I just blew all of them up and scattered them around. Festive, right?" Of course that's what Yeosang did. "I stepped on a lot of them, though, so please ignore the popped ones on the floor." Disaster.

"Well, anyway," he clapped his hands together, adorable sweater paws muffling the sound. "I'll give you your gifts and then show you your cake, yeah? Sit." Jongho found himself flat on his ass on the loveseat (although his ass was nowhere near close to flat), white spots dancing in his eyes. All he could register was Yeosang's surprising amount of arm strength forcing him to sit and the other returning with his supposed gift in record time. 

The gigantic rainbow bag was set next to his legs, presented in all its gayness. One look at Yeosang's bright, expectant eyes told Jongho to start opening it, aware that the other must be bursting with excitement to see Jongho's reaction. 

After digging through at least fifty layers of tissue paper and concluding that Yeosang used the whole package of paper for all seven colors, Jongho made it to his first gift. It was a weighted blanket, thick and heavy enough to ground Jongho during his restless nights, which were most nights since he was a struggling honors student. Although he'd rarely admit it, he liked having the weight on him. The slight heaviness felt like a comforting hug, and since he can't handle physical contact from another person most of the time, the blanket is a perfect compromise. 

"You like it. I see it in your repressed eyes," Yeosang pointed out. 

"It's... You've thought a lot about me, haven't you?" Jongho stated the obvious. The devious glint in Yeosang's eyes left nothing to the imagination, and through the Great Wall of Tissue Paper, Jongho reached his second gift, wrapped in equal amounts of flamboyant packaging. 

A bear? The Swedish bear Jongho mentioned maybe once just to say how stupid it looked? The redhead couldn't help but balk at it, secretly knowing deep down he said it looked stupid because he wanted to entertain the idea of having it to cuddle with at night, turning into his friend, San, who couldn't sleep without holding something. 

It was a perfect addition to the blanket. Sometimes Jongho held onto his pillow to recreate a sense of comfort and warmth that wasn't as overwhelming as another person, but it never felt right. Holding the bear close to him, Jongho felt a connection to it. This stupid, Swedish brown bear who was friend-shaped and reminded the redhead of himself strangely- it felt right. 

Yeosang, his smooth-brain travesty of a boyfriend knew him all too well. Jongho never even spoke about things like this to anyone else- barely even to Yeosang unless he was sad or going through it. Suddenly, Jongho felt anxious, but in a way that his brain told him wasn't negative by any means. He knew he was loved, that much was certain, but the other paying this much close attention to him felt overwhelming yet lovely. It scared him, but only because he was unfamiliar with such gestures. All in all, he could cry from happiness. 

"There's a card too, Jjong. I know you don't want me to say all the sappy stuff out loud, so I wrote it all down in the card." Yeosang pulled the A4 card from the bag, encased in a pastel yellow envelope. A dick was artfully drawn on the front, earning an eye roll from the younger. He knew the card would probably say everything he wanted and needed to hear, conjuring up raw emotions Jongho doesn't think he's ready to deal with without his anxiety bubbling up. He knew Yeosang would never judge him for it, would allow him time alone if he needed it and wouldn't even feel the tiniest bit offended. If he needed to collect himself, he was encouraged to do so and not feel bad for it. 

He didn't even need to read the card right now, but Jongho actively wanted to, so he opened the envelope, trying not to feed into Yeosang's ego by laughing at the plethora of ejaculating dicks drawn all over the card as well. Their senses of humor were beyond saving. The card was minimalistic, allowing Yeosang to write as much as he pleased within the 5x7 blank space. 

He started to read.

_Sup fucker 8---D  
How do you like your gifts, jjongie bear? Yes ik you hate that name it makes u cringe. I won't say it out loud tho I just wanted to see ur face when u read it. Chile anyways  
I just wanted to say I'm proud of how far you've come with your first serious relationship! At least I hope u consider this serious. You may still be uncomfortable with a lot of things, but remember when you didnt want me to sleep in the same bed as you? And now u stick your dick in my ass? That's progress, baby.  
Ik you dont like being vulnerable if you can help it, and you know you dont have to make an effort to try. I know you want to reciprocate even though you can't bring yourself to. That's fine, Jongho, it honestly is. I wouldnt be dating you if I wanted something else. I never want more from you, Jjong, you're enough on your own.  
Consider the blanket and bear as training wheels. You dont have to be clingy as fuck like Wooyoung and San, but maybe when you're not comfortable with having someone around, these can be an outlet of sorts.  
You know I don't mind if you dont want to cuddle with me or much less have some delicious steamy S3X (sorry), but I want you to feel comfortable with knowing that. I want you to be comfortable in your own skin. That includes physically and emotionally. Your ass is fucking godly and I want to motorboat your tits. Okay sorry I'll stop. I had to joke a little so you wouldn't implode when reading this.  
Now for the truest statement ever:  
I love you Jongho  
I've never been more certain about anything else_

_-XOXO Sangie ♡_

Jongho could cry a thousand tears and mean every single one. Yeosang has always told him the things he needed to hear, but the raw emotion he felt pooling in his stomach never ceased to tug at heart until it tore open, revealing parts of himself he always kept locked away. He was overwhelmed again, but the emotions were so _positive_ and warm that he didn't know what to do with himself. 

Placing the card on the table, he exhaled, knowing Yeosang would wait for him for as long as he needed. What was he even supposed to say that would be a good enough response to _that?_

Wringing his hands together, he took a leap of faith.

"Yeo, I... I'll be honest, I'm overwhelmed but in a good way? I like- you're so- fuck, words, I don't know what to say. I could cry." It made it all that easier to do so by admitting it, knowing he could try holding it back as much as he wanted but still had a failsafe in case tears started flowing. "You're too good to me, Yeo."

"You deserve it, don't you think?" Yeosang replied, eyes softening into a gaze so patient and understanding, a stark contrast to the comedically chaotic mess he usually is. And Jongho really thought about it- if he really deserved the heaping amounts of love and kindness Yeosang was so open to give. As much as he wanted to hide away and pretend his feelings don't exist, he forces himself to agree. He deserves it. He deserves to be loved. Just saying it in his head made him feel in control of himself, and that's so much more progress than he's ever made before. Jongho even felt confident enough to say it out loud.

"Yeah, I do. I deserve it." Jongho didn't even stutter, and for once, he felt proud of himself. Yeosang's smile couldn't have been bigger and more full of pride and affection than it already is, overflowing with heaping amounts of love. Starry doe eyes and a row of bunny teeth reminded Jongho of Yeosang's radiance- how lucky he was to have him in his life. Did Yeosang think he was lucky to have Jongho? The younger knew it was a definite yes, and he started to believe it himself. 

Jongho decided that it wasn't always so scary to feel and not hold back, to be vulnerable with someone he can trust with his life. He needs- wants to let himself feel and not think about if he'll regret it or not later. After all, it's Yeosang he's with, and he's built up enough trust to know the older will always take care of him in more ways than one. All that's really left is for Jongho to trust himself. 

"Yeo... Kiss me?" The words could've made Jongho fold internally, but his heart knew what it wanted, and acting on it in the safest environment he's ever known is a luxury he knows he should indulge in. Yeosang, patient as ever didn't let his face betray if he was surprised at Jongho's rare request. His signals were clearly leading the other to believe that Jongho wouldn't be leading it this time, instead opting for Yeosang to take charge- even rarer of an occurrence. 

"Of course, Jjong. Just tell me if you need to stop or signal me to keep going. How far are you wanting this to go?" Yeosang asked knowingly, aware that kisses, even chaste, could always lead to something more lustful. 

"I don't know... If I need to stop, I'll let you know." Jongho felt a little bad he couldn't promise Yeosang everything he wanted, potentially blue-balling him in the future if he decided to stop if things went further than usual. He knows he shouldn't feel bad, Yeosang always tells him he doesn't mind, but the gnawing anxiety made him think he was never enough. It was easier said than done to stop the feeling, but progress isn't linear either. 

Yeosang merely nodded, testing the waters and placing his hands on either side of Jongho's hips. Jongho decided to undo the small ponytail in Yeosang's hair, threading his fingers through his golden locks that stopped at the base of his neck. Yeosang leaned in first, still seated on the couch at an awkward angle. Jongho instinctively closed his eyes, forcing himself not to panic and trying to rid his body of his cardboard-like stiffness. He wishes he could just enjoy the moment without feeling so out of place. What happened to his confidence from earlier? Was it all false in the end? He was already backpedaling on himself and the kiss hadn't even begun. His stomach started to churn, failing himself and clenching his eyes so much he saw red. Jongho couldn't back out now, it wouldn't be fair-

Then the gentle press of Yeosang's lip met his own, barely enough to be considered anything beyond a peck. 

"Relax, Jjong. Don't blame yourself if you don't want to keep going, okay? I promise it's fine." Yeosang was mere inches away, Jongho able to count his eyelashes if he wanted to. His expression gave no sign of annoyance or frustration, all of those aspects instead simmering inside Jongho. Yeosang is right, Jongho supposes. He can't- doesn't want to stop now. Taking a calming breath, Jongho quells himself, thinking of something to comfort his returning irritability. _Everything's always scarier before you actually do it, right? Just go with that._

He trusts Yeosang, that much is for sure. It's all he has as long as his own trust in himself continues to betray him, but for now, it's all he needs. Progress isn't linear, especially when it comes to a form of self acceptance. Some days Jongho couldn't handle a graze of his arm to someone else's while on other days he'd be connected to Yeosang in a different form of affection. But that's okay. Jongho tells himself that, and nods to Yeosang. "It's fine. I trust myself enough to know what I can and can't handle." Jongho states boldly, returning some of the confidence from earlier. 

Letting Yeosang take the lead once again, Jongho forces himself to relax, compelling his inner thoughts to subside and to just _feel_. _Vulnerability isn't bad,_ he repeats to himself. 

Yeosang's lips met his own once again, this time with more passion laced into it as he slid his glossed lips over Jongho's. The younger tasted the faintness of the mango gloss from his lips, adding to Yeosang's alluring feminine charm. Jongho felt the other's gentle hands rub circles into his hips, easing him out of his nerve-induced stiffness. 

Jongho was usually better with blatant roughness rather than sensuality, so when Yeosang grabbed his hips enough to send tingles through the expanse of his spine, Jongho let it happen. Giving the younger a small push, Yeosang had Jongho under him, effectively straddling the redhead as he remained connected to Jongho's plump lips now smeared with dainty mango gloss. 

The intensity gradually increased, Jongho's senses too invested in the light pleasures to feel anxious anymore. It melted with every lingering kiss Yeosang gave him, coming up for air every once in a while before diving back down to make a mess of the younger's already reddening lips. Jongho barely had time to breathe, panting in between breaks. He was okay, though. Everything was still fine. 

Feeling brave, Jongho allowed a hand to slide up Yeosang's leg, dangerously close to reaching under the pastel pink pleats. Yeosang gave an affirming groan, letting Jongho experiment with him a little. The lack of boxers Jongho didn't feel left little to the imagination, beginning to blush as his mind wondered if Yeosang was just being Yeosang or if he prepared for the off chance that this event would transpire.

Deciding basically making out was sufficient, Yeosang moved to Jongho's neck, offering a few testing packs and nips. Jongho, although less experienced with neck kisses, made no signal to stop, allowing Yeosang to place scattered kisses on his jawline. Nothing was inherently sexual yet, and Jongho could deal with it- he was enjoying it so far, letting himself be cared for in a way Yeosang was familiar with doing. 

Lifting his legs, Jongho wrapped them around Yeosang, caging the blonde in between his muscular legs and his body. The unexpected behavior caused Yeosang to release a little puff of air in surprise before he began kissing up and down Jongho's throat, practically purring. It was rare for Jongho to find something hot, especially being on the asexual spectrum, but Yeosang taking charge in a pretty pastel skirt was definitely one of them. He was starting to burn on the inside, simple affection turning into something else. He wouldn't stop now. 

Needing to do something with his hands, Jongho began threading his fingers through Yeosang's hair, playing with the mullet the older was growing out. He gave it an experimental tug, earning a noise of affirmation from the blonde. Moving back to Jongho's lips, Yeosang grabbed at his thighs with a terse grip, soliciting a surprised, uncharacteristic yelp from Jongho. The older shifted into massaging the redhead's thighs, thick and toned with muscle from routine leg days. That's when Jongho started to feel a slight strain in his jeans.

He had to stop now. He preferred if things stayed away from having to take care of this problem- this _future_ problem. Jongho felt like he's sufficiently had enough ministrations for the day, patting Yeosang on the back three times to indicate a signal. 

The other immediately released Jongho, checking the younger for any signs of pain or discomfort. "Everything alright?" Yeosang asked, voice laced with gentle concern. 

"Yeah, I just don't want to go any farther right now. That was nice, though. It... didn't feel particularly wrong." The feverish burn deep in Jongho's stomach didn't quell immediately, the younger still coming down from the high of Yeosang's affections. 

Yeosang nodded, smiling just enough to show his charming, pointed canines. "That's fine. I'm really proud of you learning about your comfort levels. It looks like you've found ways to engage in these things a lot better than before." The blonde's lips were still glossed, albeit messier than before. His hair was obviously tussled, Jongho wondering if he pulled on it harder than he anticipated. Even with maneuvering his newfound vulnerability levels, Jongho effectively blue-balled the both of them. Jongho knows Yeosang has something going on under his girlish skirt, and he felt almost bad for leaving him as he is. He was essentially all take and no give to Yeosang in that moment, and even if the other man didn't agree, Jongho had to split it evenly for the sake of his conscious.

"I'm sorry I had to... cockblock us. It's probably inconvenient everytime, even for me." Jongho toyed with his fingers, switching his focus to the veins in his hands. 

"My dick feels like it's gonna fall off, yeah, but there's ways around it. I have two hands for a reason, Jjong." Yeosang said, wiggling all ten of his fingers. Jongho blushed at the implications. 

"I mean- _Yeah,_ but it's still a nuisance, right? Do you wanna... take a cold shower?" Jongho suggested, voice laced with meek hesitance. The idea was a little weak in Jongho's mind, but it was the best he could do in this moment. Yeosang smoothed his skirt out, pleats having gotten bunched up from earlier. 

"A _cold shower?_ Wouldn't a hot bath be better?" Yeosang questioned. A hot bath did sound nice, but being naked in front of someone else was another hurdle to cross- an obstacle for another day. Jongho shook his head gingerly. He needed to shower, but now wasn't the right time for him.

"Wanna put the weighted blanket to use, then?" Yeosang suggested. "We don't have to cuddle or anything, just unwind." Patience was still settled deep within Yeosang's kind eyes, and Jongho conntinued felt safe under his gaze. The redhead gathered the stuffed bear in his arms, eager to make it a safe space but not so eager to be perceived while doing so. It would be fine, though, Jongho knows he can ask for time alone.

"Yeah, I'd like that." Jongho agreed. "Also, I hope you're cleaning up this mess later. You wasted my markers _and_ my posterboard." 

Switching back to a less serious version of himself, Yeosang stuck his tongue out. "I did it for you, ungrateful brat," he retorted. "None of your sharpies worked anyway. I spent more time sniffing them than actually writing." Well, that explained the other's lack of core thinking. 

"You're a mess of a man."

"I'm a _femboy_ mess of a man," Yeosang clarified as if it made things any different. Jongho rolled his eyes, wondering if his affections were misconstrued all along (in jest). Loving Yeosang never felt wrong, even with Jongho's poor emotional IQ, aversion to touch, and crumbling sexuality. Yeosang was a stable constant in the middle of it all, and reminding himself why the blonde was so important to him made it that much easier to ground himself from the clutches of doubt. Yeosang always offered his whole heart, his undivided attention and patience, his unconditional love. He was a true beacon of light, personality and golden hair alike. 

And really, where would Jongho be if he hadn't met Yeosang? Alone? Dating some girl who didn't give him the time of day? Confused about whether or not he's real? 

"I... I love you, Sang." The words didn't roll off his tongue naturally, but he truly meant them in his heart. He tried his best to convey what he could never seem to speak, thoughts always spilling out clunky and unsure. Jongho's mouth was incapable of keeping up with brain at times, so he hoped with all his heart that Yeosang knew he was loved. It's really the absolute least Jongho could do for him. 

"I know you do, Jjong, and I love you too." Yeosang's response was far cleaner than Jongho's, but as long as he knew the redhead meant what he said, it was good enough for Jongho to sleep soundly at night. Jongho knows he's not a perfect partner by any means, but he did his best with what he had, and that's all that truly mattered to Yeosang.

His progress may take steps back in the future, it was almost inevitable. But for today, for the present, Jongho felt _okay_ \- great even. The present was all that he had anyway, and he deserved every bit of gratification, every bit of Yeosang's love, every bit of his own love. Jongho breathed in and let himself live in the moment for a few seconds longer, simply letting himself feel and be in touch with reality before releasing.

"So Sang, how about that nap, then?" Jongho suggested. He still had a whole cake in the fridge waiting for him later.


End file.
